Dear Abby advises a woman whose boyfriend’s daughter doesn’t like her, and a grandma who doesn’t want to uproot her life to be closer to her children.
I’m divorced and have been dating my guy friend for five years. We recognized after we started dating that we love each other, and we planned to move in together after a year of dating. I was so excited when we started making plans that I reached out to my guy’s ex-wife and daughter as a friendly gesture.
His daughter was getting married later in the year, so I tried to reassure her that I understood how stressful a big wedding is, and I wouldn’t be offended if I wasn’t invited. I wasn’t invited. Following the wedding, the first time I met his ex-wife and children was excruciating. His daughter was very unpleasant to me.
Now, years later, the situation has not improved. If I try to be Facebook friends, his daughter accepts my offer, but limits what I can see. This is ridiculous. After five years, I would like to just gently close that door. Is that being mean or realistic? —When you reached out to your partner’s daughter, perhaps you came on a little too strong. It seems like a warm and caring gesture, unless your relationship was the reason his marriage ended.
Our son and his wife both have successful careers. They can afford quality child care, and I don’t see the need for us to uproot our lives and move hours away just to be on-call babysitters. I love the town we live in, and I’m starting to resent his relentless “persuasion” and suggestions that relocation is what “most grandmothers would love to do.” Advice? —Having raised four wonderful children since the age of 16, your feelings are understandable.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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