Like any working-class father, the life he lived was a blessed curse.
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I wait. Some time passes before I call my mother. There is a phone anchored high on a wall, and turning on my toes toward the door, coiling myself in its cord, she assures me he’s on his way. On the occasions when I assisted my father with his work – dreaming, for a brief time, of taking up the trade – I watched the beam from the penlight he pinched confidently sweep across the crisscrossing network of wires, tubes, fuses and spider webs. Two things I noticed then, stay with me.
That meant we never had more than a dotted presence in each other’s lives. And it also meant we cultivated neither a language nor an action to bedrock our love. It is why our hugs rarely have our shoulders touch. It is why, whenever I see a film or listen to a song about a father and son, my eyes well up; and when one of them turns to the other and says, “I love you,” I often begin to cry.
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