SoberQuestioning: 'How did counting the days work for you, especially early on? Do you think it helped?' anamariecox responds
I see people celebrating sobriety milestones — like 90 days or a year — and I appreciate how great that must feel but I also kind of rebel against it. For one thing, after getting through an especially hard day, it’s like, Really? After all that, my number goes up by only one? That should be worth, like, ten! It’s discouraging.
If it’s any comfort, you’re definitely not alone in struggling with the practice — when I talk to sober people who’ve not gone the Alcoholics Anonymous route, they often mention 12-steppers’ emphasis on counting days as one of the big turn-offs. But the day-count regime isn’t just an AA thing; tabulating time is an accepted, if increasingly controversial, metric for “success” in sobriety.
On the even uglier flip side, I have to really work to resist feeling superior to anyone not doing as well as I am. Today, I know that getting a medallion — or a round of applause or social-media kudos — for a certain amount of sobriety isn’t like winning an award. It’s more like acknowledging a birthday. Are you jealous, or do you feel like you’re part of a hierarchy, when some random person turns out to be older than you? Probably not, right? They’re just … older. Maybe wiser? Mainly, they started their journey before you did.
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