Dear Amy: Am I obligated to forgive this person who caused so much damage to our family … even though he is part of our family?
Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married for 14 years . We are very happy. We each have two adult children. His 42-year-old son, “Tony,” recently divorced with a preschooler, has always had issues. Last Father’s Day, my husband’s children and grandchildren gathered at our house. Tony, who has a drinking problem, started drinking beer early. I was busy attending to the group and wasn’t really paying attention to the amount he was consuming.
You don’t say what remorse Tony has expressed in his contact, but you will have to determine whether he has acknowledged his actions, sincerely asked for forgiveness, and started the process of making amends. If not, he might not be ready – and you might not be ready. My instinct is that your husband might be moving toward forgiveness as a way of trying to forget this assault and to ignore or bury the shame he might feel of being victimized in this way by his own son.
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