A letter-writer whose 'whole life is blowing up' wishes friends would just show up instead of always asking what they can do to help.
But I also hate that it means people get tired of asking and go quiet. This feels like just another unsolvable problem, and, in the meantime, I’m hurting so badly and don’t feel supported. What do I do?There is a way you can respond to friends that falls somewhere between, “I don’t know,” and, “When you’re at the store next, I could use some organic bananas,” and, unsurprisingly, it’s just telling the truth. “Yes, I would love help, I just don’t know what to say.
· It allows for prepared, stock answers, so you can conserve precious mental energy. You know it’s coming, so think up one response that isn’t awkward for you. · But if you feel up to taking a more active role: “I do need help, but I’m not comfortable specifying one thing or the other.” It’s a brave invitation to deepen your friendships.All of this, again, starts with a simple answer that doesn’t ask any extra of you: “All help is welcome, I just don’t know what to say.”
France Dernières Nouvelles, France Actualités
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