Advice: A reader struggles to understand the roles of control and gaslighting in a relationship power struggle.
This is a good example to dissect — though I’m sorry you’re having to live it:Your partner is exercising his right to do what he wants. It is, always, his call to be with his family at the home he helped create, or with his friends. A rephrase, if it helps: Each of us always has a choice whether to be a decent, responsible adult or a self-indulgent adult-baby.
Some of this will involve your mutual understanding of how much friend time is okay, which couples do need to talk about early on in good faith. Are you upset that he goes out once a week for a couple of hours? Nightly into the wee hours? What’s his attitude toward your social time? These affect the power dynamics.
Some people are indeed too sensitive — they react big to small things or take innocent ones as threatening — but brushing them off with emotional accusations isn’t the answer. Listening is, and specific facts are. Even when it turns out the relationship isn’t salvageable.
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