Staying safe becomes risky when it keeps us from seeing what we need to see.
How often does conflict in relationships—for example, between partners in a couple—serve as an interpersonal or social defense against uncomfortable feelings: sadness,. Enactment happens outside of therapy relationships as well. We may"enact" the past, and when we enact unresolved trauma, it tends to be retraumatizing and confusing.
We may see ourselves as very consistent and noncontradictory. In contrast, others may see that we have many different sides to who we are, which vary from situation to situation. There may be unnoticed gaps in self-awareness and sense of self. This may lead us to miss things we said or did, getting confused and sometimes hostile when others point it out or express confusion.
Dysfunctional enactments, patterns of blame and hurt based on projection and splitting, will go away only when we separate out past and future, what is threat-based and related to trauma and what is not. The only way to really know someone is over time. If we don't slow down and catch nuance, we won't be thinking through things constructively or leaving room for emotions to guide us through.
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