A sexologist shares her tips for overcoming your insecurities
"Finding that special spark with a new partner can often take a long time," Dr Chuba explains."Regardless of the reasons why we may find ourselves without a lover, when the time comes to get back into the groove, most of us experience feelings of fear, anxiety and low self-confidence.", we asked Dr Chuba to give us some practical advice on how to feel less nervous and more confident when starting a new sexual relationship.
"What were some of the things that worked well in your intimate relationships? What partners were the most memorable, and why? What would you like to do differently this time around? For example, would you speak up more about your need for sensual foreplay, or share more of your sexual imagination with your partner? Getting clarity around your needs and boundaries will help you start a new sexual relationship in a more proactive way, which in turn will help you feel more safe and grounded.
"If you are new to self pleasure or just want to broaden your sexual repertoire, sex-positive books likeor fun and instructional sex ed DVDs will both inform you and spark your sensuality. It's important to note that you should always consider seeking professional help for specific sexual concerns, like trouble experiencing orgasm with a partner, early ejaculation, erectile difficulties, or performance anxiety.
Whenever we begin a new relationship, especially after a long time without partner sex, we tend to feel anxious about things like our attractiveness; our size, shape and weight; and how well we will 'perform' during sex. "This mindset keeps us caught up in our heads and disconnected both from our bodies and pleasure, and from our lovers and the process of lovemaking. Whenever you feel yourself getting caught up in performance pressure, focus instead on your body sensations. Breathe deeply and if need be, slow down. Pay attention to how things feel as opposed to how perfect you appear to be.
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