To the people pleasers out there, it's OK to cancel plans.
“Usually, when we’re conflicted, we have needs on each side that are not being met, and if we don’t check in with ourselves, we may be neglecting important information from our minds and bodies,” Maalouf tells SELF. For example, maybe you agreed to go to a party on Saturday night, but as the weekend approaches you start dreading the event or even resenting your friends for inviting you in the first place.
Once you’ve checked in with both sides, you can try to find a solution that will meet as many of your needs as possible. For example, you could go to the party for an hour or so but make it clear that you’re not staying long, or maybe you decide it would be better to schedule make-up plans with your friends for the following day or weekend after you’ve had a
And if fear of social rejection starts to come up, Maalouf has an important reminder for you: “Our thoughts are not facts.” In other words, just because youyour pals will hate you if you bail on dinner doesn’t mean that’s true. And if they do turn on you, they’re not really your friends—but you don’t need a therapist to tell you that.
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